We also talked about the Blackberry essay and went over some general tips. I'm also posting a sample of a strong essay (see below) with the actual corrector commentary.
Upcoming: Discussion on Thursday and Vocab Test Friday
In Seamus Heaney’s poem “Blackberry-Picking,” the use of juicy diction, clear and vivid imagery, slant rime and conversational rhythm, along with casual form illustrate the poet’s message that childhood experience of picking berries holds a deeper metaphor for life; that is, childish hopes continue to exist despite the also continual slap of reality.
The casual and childish hopefulness in the poem is clearly embodied in the conversational tone, forced by the irregular sentence structure found within the rhythm and the slant rime usage throughout the work. By organizing sentences in such a way that perpetuate variances of stressed and unstressed syllables, the narrative tale of berry- picking is seen in a casual light. The additional use of slant rime or all rime (“sweet / it” 5-6) also adds to the elimination of the sing – song feel that so often causes distraction of the reader in other poems. The poems form in an AABB… rime scheme separated into almost rhyming couplets keeps a sense of organized structure throughout.
The use of descriptive consonant – filled diction is as juicy as the blackberries in the story; this description adds not only to the literal childish experience of berry – picking but also to the adult acknowledgement of the significance of the experience. The clear imagery of the berries’ “flesh” (5) sweetened “like thickened wine” (6) brings vivid images and striking comparisons between the berry flesh and human flesh filled with “summer’s blood” (6). The fact that the memory of the adult, reflecting back upon the childhood experience is so strong as to remember all of the “milk cans, pea tins, [and] jam pots” (9) provides an additional link through repetitive diction to the metaphor that is to come. Imagery is also solidified through such literary elements as consonance “trekked and picked” (12) alliteration “big dark blobs burned” (14), and personification as it is “hunger” (8) that sent the children out to gather all of the berries.
Through the childhood experience of gathering berries, the speaker uses literary elements to show the deeper metaphor for idealistic hope and its survival despite realistic confinements. The structure of the poem, by separation the initial tale of the berry picking into 8 couplets and the reflection upon the formation and not into four couplets indicates the speaker’s belief that the childish, innocent hope for sweetness and goodness continues on. This is paradoxically established further in the speaker’s description of “all the lovely
canfuls smelt of rot” (23) as the hopes of sweet, lovely blackberries are destroyed by the inevitable natural decay of what was sweet and good in the berries. This grim picture of the natural decay and destruction of the things we cherish enough to go search after even “where briars scratched” (10) and when “our hands were peppered / with thorn pricks” (15-16), presents a depressing image of the world around us. We sacrifice for the “lust for / picking” (7-8) and are yet deemed the fruits of our labor. This destruction of what people materialistically search for, however, does offer hope. Although the human possessions do not keep forever, the hope that nature’s goodness will continue on is mirrored in the childish hope that the berries will keep despite the knowledge that the berries themselves will not. More important than actually saving the berries then, is the value placed on nature and the triumph in the berry – pick. The fact that the berries were picked every year despite the knowledge that they would spoil is the finishing touch on the role that hope has in our society.
The ideals of natural preservation, although tainted by inevitable decay of what is worked for, are perpetuated not by the physical salvation of nature’s goods, but by the internal value that is placed on nature. In “Blackberry Picking,” the adult reflection upon the childhood innocence of that hope is reflected poignantly by the lush descriptions and imagery of a memory that in some way, rings true to us all.
Commentary on Essay Score = 8
Doubtless there are other essays that convey the poem’s meaning in a more compelling fashion than this essay manages – or that supply fuller readings of the rich imagery and diction found in “Blackberry-Picking.” However, this is one whale of an essay! So much information is provided by this lengthy piece that it seems perverse to fault the essay because of a vexing omission or dubious assertion (“casual form,” for instance?). The expertise as well as the ambition of the writer is apparent from the outset with the sophisticated technical observations about syntax, rhyme, and meter. If these comments do not hold up to scrutiny in their entirety, we forgive the lapses and credit the attempt, amazed at what the writer has accomplished! (Dissection of sound effects simply does not occur in other essays to any appreciable extent.) Similarly, we overlook the several errors in writing: the subject-verb disagreement in the first sentence, for example, or the awkward syntax that results a time or two when the student tries to combine specific examples with commentary.
The student proceeds with a stunning level of analytical command. A commitment to using details to illustrate points is obvious, and the writer has impressive facility with the vocabulary appropriate to literary criticism. Furthermore, the essay reflects an innate sensitivity to the speaker’s tone by suggesting the complex tensions between enthusiasm and disappointment, joy and pain, life and death that persist throughout “Blackberry-Picking.” The writer notes the separation between the two parts of the poem as a function of form and content – the second segment brings overwhelming confirmation of the appalling futility of the effort to “hoard” the berries. However, he or she understands that the language that describes the boy’s eager blackberry-picking experiences in the first section incorporates the seasoned reaction of the adult: disappointment is inherent in the boyish hope the young writer describes with such conviction.
Ever when the student lacks precision in an explanation, he or she does not superimpose “higher meanings” upon the literal images and actions of the poem but renders meaning as integral to the language and various poetic elements that create and convey it. In sum, both the poet and the young critic who writes so ably about Heaney’s artistry view with compassion the ongoing nature of the human struggle to stay the unstayable. The student’s full embrace of the joy and exuberance conveyed in the blackberry struggle is inspiring evidence of his or her own youthful enthusiasm for life – and for poetry. The mature regard for the natural law of decline and death is similarly impressive. Imagine what he or she might do with a second – or third – draft of this essay!
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